Liar, Liar

Lies. We all know that it is wrong to lie, and yet, we allow ourselves to be lied to. Why is this? I’m sure it’s in our nature as women to want to please others. When we do this, we begin to believe what other people say to us and about us, and pretty soon, those lies become our truth.

We understand that this is a very sensitive and personal subject. This was extremely difficult for both of us to write about, and caused us to do some deep soul searching, but we feel strongly that this is an area that must be covered in depth.

For this reason we will be discussing The Lies We Believe over a 3-week period. This week we will transparently reveal to you the lies we believe. Next week we will discuss several lies that many women allow themselves to believe. The final week of this topic will be on ways to recognize and battle the lie.

Please stick with us as we delve into a very serious and unfortunately common issue that plagues most women. We understand that this is very private, and are not expecting you to spew out your lies for everyone to read, even if you respond anonymously, however, if you do feel compelled to comment, we would treasure your thoughts.

There are the obvious lies that unfortunately begin at a very young age on the playground or sadly to say for some at home. Through age, maturity in my relationship with God and a loving husband I have overcome believing those lies to be truth.

Unfortunately, there is still one lie that I struggle with in my life. I have believed this lie since childhood and it has become ingrained into my character. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing it actually looks and feels like truth but when I force myself to look in the mirror the sheep’s clothing comes off and the wolf is glaring at me. I don’t like it. The lie I am referring to is that in order to be accepted, liked and loved by others every action I take, every word I say and how I choose to live my life must have the approval of those around me, whether it be family, friends or mere acquaintances. It has been easy to say to myself that the only approval I need is Gods and that as long as I follow his voice all will be good, however, when faced with certain situations along the way I have cowered back into submitting to believing the lie as truth and seeking “approval of” and at times “praise for” my actions. I have made unnecessary apologies. I have changed plans to accommodate what someone else wanted instead of what was best for my family and me. The list goes on.

I have come to realize that in believing this lie as truth I have… 1) Spent a large majority of my time with hurt feelings over how someone else responded or did not respond to me. 2) On more than one occasion caused my husband and children to feel like that their feelings were second place to others. My heart breaks at this realization because I love them with such intensity. They have given me their best and they deserve to have my best. 3) Made too many decisions based on the question “What will others think of or say about me?” 4) Robbed myself of even greater things that God wants to do in my life.

After many years I am finally confronting this lie and seeking Gods help for I know I cannot do this on my own. I believe that when I get through this particular journey that I will be a better person for it and hopefully an even better example of God’s grace to others.

There are several lies that I believe about myself at different times, but I believe they all stem from this giant lie: “I am not enough.” When did I start believing this lie? Who knows? However, I can look back at several events in my life and note that I was believing this lie at that time.

This lie warps itself, depending on my current situation. At times I believe I’m not pretty enough, or sometimes I’m not good enough. Maybe I’m not talented enough, or smart enough. Often times I feel as though I’ve conquered one of these lies, when all of a sudden, another one creeps in to take the other’s place.

Currently I’m battling this lie. I have felt a calling in my heart to do something that God wants me to do, and yet, rather than believing God that I am ready and able to do what He has in store for me, I am choosing to believe that I am too young and am not truly capable to do this. I know in my head who to believe, but my heart will not follow suit.

Lies, regardless of their origination, are ugly. And, unfortunately, once we allow ourselves to believe the lie, it seems as though it is almost impossible to train our hearts otherwise. We become almost dependent on the lie to function throughout our lives. We question the truth and never question the lie.

What am I going to do, you may wonder? I honestly don’t know. I pray that I will get to the place where I can put this lie to bed and move on in God’s will, but I’m not there yet.

Like Donna said earlier, our lies don’t just hurt us, they often times hurt the ones we love as well. Be aware of what you let into your heart, and ask the Lord to reveal His truths to you through His eyes.

Resorting to Plan B

Have you ever wondered why the best laid plans might still be interrupted by life? If you are anything like we are, you are a super planner, who doesn’t love the words “Plan B”. But, however, sometimes, life requires that you “roll with the punches” and “take life in stride.” There are several more sayings that I’m sure we could come up with, but, nevertheless, here we are. In “Plan B” mode.



Both of us were looking forward to our Labor Day weekend getaways. Although each of us had a wonderful time with our family we both ended up coming home feeling less than stellar. Lisa struggles with inflammatory bowel problems (most likely Crohn’s Disease), and although it has been in remission for several months, came down with a pretty good flare up on Monday morning. Donna is subject to UTI’s, and unfortunately, is suffering from one as we speak.



We can plan all we want for our futures, whether that be lunch plans tomorrow or 5 year plans, including everything from the home we’ll live in to the careers our children will enter. However, I’m sure you all know by now that we do not get the final say in the matter. We need to be planners. It’s good to have a road map of where you see yourself. This helps you know where you’re heading. However, we need to be sensitive to the fact that the road may take a detour, or a completely different route.



It’s okay that we “go with the flow” sometimes. Often times it will lead you into an even better and more exciting place. We need to know that life will throw curve balls at us sometimes, and that’s just the way it is. We can’t allow those events to sideline us and prevent us from moving forward.



And, like now, we could have gone along with what we had planned to write about this week, but instead, we went to “Plan B” mode and opted to write about flexibility. It wasn’t worth the stress to try to make something happen that could wait another week.



So, are there areas in your life that you need to get a little bendy and just allow life to take you somewhere? We would love to hear your story!

Doctor! Doctor!

Pap Smears, Mammograms, Bone Density Tests, Oh My! So this is the year I get to add the “big one” to the list. I am turning 50 soon, which means I get to have my first colonoscopy! Yippee! My husband hit this monumental age a short time ago. I told him since this is the one test that both men and women have to have (or should anyway!) we should schedule our colonoscopies for the same place, same time and make a date out of it. How romantic is that? Ha! I don’t think he saw the humor in it that I did.

I have a love/hate relationship with all these necessary tests. The hate part… they are an inconvenience to me and certain ones can be a little humiliating. Now that I am getting more mature (this takes the place of the “o” word) the required list is getting longer which I am not crazy about. I would much rather be spending that time doing something fun and exciting. The love part… I have come to realize their importance and it does give me more knowledge as to what is going on inside of this body of mine and how to take care of it. I do like to hear that I have passed the tests. A little fine tuning might be necessary, but nothing life threatening.

I have to frequently remind myself that in the process of taking responsibility for my health I have to allow my faith into the equation. God is in control of my timeline. That is so easy to say but sometimes hard to accept. He loves me and will not give me something without the tools to handle it. That does not mean that I sit back ignoring my health and not expect some type of consequence. I must balance between my faith and using the brain that God gave me. God desires for us to trust him with our entire life, however, I believe He also expects us to take care of the body he gave us, not to ignore and/or abuse it. That means be smart about eating healthy, exercise regularly, get the proper amount of sleep that your body requires (I know that one is hard for young moms or college students trying to get that degree ), floss your teeth daily (reduces gum disease which can lead to heart disease) relax and breathe. Medical research shows that taking deep breaths throughout our day releases toxins out of the body and provides a long list of benefits that includes things such as fueling your energy levels, helps your digestive tract, reduces stress, improves concentration, and much more. Do not forget those maintenance checkups once a year. Your doctor will give you a list of what tests need to be taken at what age. One note, if you are fair skinned and/or a sun worshiper, don’t forget to get a yearly mole check from a dermatologist. Most insurances will cover this and you are never too young or old to start! Early detection is the best prevention.

Talk to God, release your burdens to him, you will be amazed at the peace he will bring. We as women tend to get so busy taking care of all those around us that we forget to take care of ourselves. If you fall into that category make this the day to change. Do not ignore your responsibilities. Just add your health to the list. Do it for those you love and who love you. You are important. Embrace that.

Sleepless nights, homework, soccer games, preparing meals, cleaning the house, knowing where everyone and everything is at every moment. Just a day in the life of a mom. I don’t know about you, but my days tend to get so jam-packed (and I’m not even into the soccer games and homework yet) that I am the last thing I think about. I rarely go to the bathroom until I really have to. I know I don’t drink as much water as I should. I grab what I can for lunch (often times the uneaten portions of my oldest). None of these practices are healthy in any sense. And the worst part is that I know that. But, duty calls, right?

We are all busy, and that will never change. I used to think that when I graduated from college that I would have so much more time to get things done because I wouldn’t have professor’s deadlines to contend with. Then when I was working, I would think to myself that I would be able to get so much more done when I was home all the time. Now that I am home, I’m constantly coordinating naps with happy children. And the list goes on.

Here’s the thing, ladies. We will always have a reason or an excuse to neglect our health. It’s very easy to do. I bet if you stopped yourself right now you could think of at least 10 reasons to avoid your healthcare providers. My list looks something like this: 1) No time. 2) No childcare. 3) I’m pretty healthy. 4) I’ll do it tomorrow. 5) I’m only 30 (okay, 31). I’ve got time before I have to check on that.

In the past 3 months I have personally known 3 people my own age who have some kind of cancer. It’s no longer out of our reach. It’s here. It’s affecting people our age. And we can no longer pretend like we’re exempt from it.

Why do I preach mean to you? Because I want you to know the importance of taking care of your body. This means that we will agree to do better at the daily stuff: working out, eating right, drinking water, and taking time to relax. It also means that we will not neglect the preventative care that Donna talked about. I am actually pretty good at this one. I go to the gynecologist every year for my annual exam. I visit the dentist twice a year for a cleaning. I need to schedule my appointment with my primary care physician for my physical, as well as my dermatologist appointment, but these are on my list of to-dos.

Again, we are all under God’s provision, and He has the final call, but we are to take care of ourselves, and part of caring for ourselves is making sure that we get into see our doctors for regular check-ups.

I know, I preached at you today. It’s only because I care.

Looking in the Rearview Mirror

It was a Friday. It had been a long week with my schedule and that lovely thing they call hormones. I had a long “to do list”, but was determined to check everything off before that afternoon when I would be going to the airport to pick up my husband who was coming home from a business trip. That was going to be the best part of my day because it meant a cherished “date night” with him. Back to my “to do” list. Number three: go to grocery to pick up four items. I ran into the grocery got my four items, checked my watch and congratulated myself for staying on schedule. Then it happened, today was the day I was going to be stopped in my tracks and learn a very valuable lesson about myself.

I have to preface this by saying I love helping people. It comes easy for me. Having said that I arrive at my car and a lady is standing right in front of me. I notice that she is very clean, neatly dressed with well put fresh makeup on her face, she speaks very properly and this is what she says to me… “Excuse me Ma'am but I have lost everything, I just went on disability and have not received a check yet. I live in temporary housing that I will not have past this week. I have no money. I have not eaten since yesterday is there any way you can give me some cash to go in and buy some food?” I honestly had no cash in my wallet in that I had used my debit card in the store. I am ashamed to admit that I judged her by the way she looked, she did not “look” like someone in need and immediately assessed that she was a con artist. I looked at her kindly and said, “I am sorry but I have no cash in my wallet (this was not a lie just an excuse) so I am not able to help you today”. She said, “That is ok, God bless you anyway”. I got in my car and before the store was even out of my sight I looked in the rear view mirror of my car and was ashamed. God in his loving gentle way reminded me of all the blessings I have in my life. I was on my way to having a wonderful date night with the man I love. What did her Friday look like? What if everything she said was true? If it was not, what tragic things have happened in her life that caused her to resort to this? If she had been standing there fitting my definition of someone in need, would I have responded differently? I asked God for forgiveness which I immediately felt him give to me. I then prayed that something good would come to her. Then I remembered something that my husband (who is the most generous man I know) quotes frequently from Proverbs 3:27-28 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow when you now have it with you. I realized at that moment what really mattered…that along with that prayer I needed to act. I detoured to the ATM, got cash, drove back to the store parking lot praying that if this was all truly from God that she would still be there. She was. I gave. She cried. I cried. I drove away and did not look back to see if she went in the store or not, it was not my place to do that. I looked long and hard in the mirror at myself. Has my giving in the past been determined by my own definition of who needed it? I have learned it is not my place to determine who “deserves” just my place to be obedient and give from the resources I have been blessed with whether it be financial, physical or emotional. God will take care of the rest. Every once in a while her face still comes to my mind and I say a prayer that “good” will come to her in every way. On gray days I realize I have nothing to complain about.

When Donna and I met trying to figure out what to write about this week, she shared this story with me. I was touched by the way that the Holy Spirit prompted her to go back to the woman and not doubt her motives. This was only 4 days ago.

So, please don’t judge me when I share with you that just today, as I was walking through an outside mall near my house, that a young man made eye contact with me. He started be complimenting my children, and then went on to tell me part of his story, only to interrupt it by assuring me that this was not a con. He gave me is name and promised me that he had a job. He then went on to tell me that it was his sister’s 16^th birthday today, and that she wasn’t very good driving a stick shift car, and was stuck in a rather shady part of town. All he had was his girlfriend’s car and it was out of gas. Did I have any cash to that I could give him so that he could go get his sister. I hate to admit it, but I didn’t believe his story at all, and I told him I was sorry but I couldn’t help. There was a cop very close to us who was watching the whole thing, and although I didn’t see him until I was walking away, I was relieved. He asked me what the young man wanted, and all I said was “money”. He immediately got on his walkie-talkie, and that’s where the story ends.

Or does it? As I walked off I was reminded of Donna’s story. What makes these two stories different? Really nothing. I didn’t feel the tug that I needed to go back and give him any money, but I did wonder if I should have given him the benefit of the doubt.

What’s done is done now. I will never know what happened with him, but I may wonder about it from time to time. I know that we all need to be discerning and cautious. Maybe it would have been different if he had been a she. Maybe I would have dipped into the birthday money that I had in my wallet. But, I’ll never know.

I was reminded of the Brandon Heath song, “Give Me Your Eyes”. The song talks about how we don’t know what is going on in the hearts of those around us, but God does. The verse that stuck out to me says:

I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

The chorus then says:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

How different would our response to others be if we had His eyes. Perhaps I would have responded in a way that would have conveyed a deep love for people, instead of second guessing and judging them.

A Time of Transition

The High School that my three sons attended is located on one of the main roads that l have to take to get nearly everywhere in town. This week the school sign is announcing it is time to register for the new school year. I feel a twinge of sadness when driving by because my youngest son graduated from there in May of this year. So, for the first time in many years I do not get to participate in all the fun “Back to School” activities, the closest I get is receiving the College bill in the mail and writing out the check. They are men now and do not need or for that matter want mommy holding their hand. I miss my little boys. Having said that there is that side to me that really does enjoy them being adults and I watch with excitement as they each pursue their dreams. If this were the only transition happening in my life right now I most likely would be writing about a different topic, however it is not. Everything is changing, my body, a new decade of birthdays, the city that I live in, and the list continues.

When I realized one day that a chapter was closing and a new one was opening I went into a little bit of “panic mode”. I told God I did not like everything in my life changing all at once! Change can mean being stretched emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am too tired for that. In my discussion with God when I finally closed my mouth and opened my ears in His gentle way he brought peace to my soul. So, what am I going to do with this new chapter that has several blank pages to it? I must admit not knowing what is going to be written on those pages at times scares me but that is when I place my faith in God and then the excitement comes as to what will be written and how.

Transition or whatever title you choose to put on it happens to all of us in many different ways depending on where you are in life. It encouraged me to see what Lisa pointed out in her thoughts about using our strengths that result from lessons learned through past changes. Wherever you are at in life or whatever kind of transition you are facing or will face I encourage you to share your heart with a trusting girlfriend that will stand with you when it hurts and rejoice with you when laughter comes, and hopefully you do the same for her. In addition in your own way express your feelings to God, I promise you He will give you what you need in perfect timing. Embrace it!

Unlike Donna, I am at the very beginning of a life with children. My oldest will be three in a few weeks and my youngest is 9 months. You could say that I am in the middle of diapers and discipline. I feel as though I have been in constant transition for the past five years. I went from a single working young woman to being a married stay-at-home mom with 2 children in less than five years. To say it's been easy would be an understatement. I still feel like I must justify my answer when someone asks what I do for a living. "Well, I used to teach, but right now I'm staying home with our daughters." For some reason I just have a really hard time admitting that I am a stay-at-home mom. Don't get me wrong. I love it (most of the time). But, I don't feel as though I am worth much in the eyes of others. I also know that it only matters what I'm worth in God's eyes, my husband's eyes, and my children's eyes, but I still tend to struggle with this stage of life. I look at Donna right now and can hardly even put myself in her shoes. I know that I will miss my daughters more than anything when they're off living their lives, but right now all I long for is a moment by myself. Even if it's just three minutes in the bathroom with no interruptions!

I was told one time that transitions are God's way of stretching and growing you. It's not meant to be easy. It's not supposed to feel good. Transitions are when we are to dig deep into our past experiences and really learn from them. We are to use the strength that we have been blessed with and open ourselves up to the new changes. Do we always like it? Absolutely not, but this is our opportunity to become better.

So, as I sit here watching My Little Ponies, surrounded by sippy cups and bottles, keeping one eye on the baby while she practices her new skill of crawling, I must know that this is the best use of my time right now. And honestly, if I were working, I bet I would be sitting in the teacher's lounge wishing that I could be home with my babies and just be their mama.

She Said...She Said

We are two women who come from two different generations and backgrounds. We both wear many Hats including wife, mother, friend and sister. Through several unexpected circumstances our paths met and a cherished friendship developed. Although we are each experiencing a different season in life we have had the opportunity to influence and learn from one another. As our friendship has continued to grow we decided to embark on this journey together. Our purpose here is to encourage women to invest in friendships regardless of where you are in life. Often times we assume that the younger generation has nothing to offer. Through our friendship we have learned that this is not the case. Every generation should learn from the successes and failures of those that come before and behind. Each week we will be posting thoughts on several relevant issues women face whether it be spiritual, emotional, physical or relational. We invite you to join us as we embark on this journey and we welcome your thoughts on living life as women. Regardless of your season we know you will have something to offer! We are excited about the opportunity we have to learn and grow from one another and from each of you.