It was a Friday. It had been a long week with my schedule and that lovely thing they call hormones. I had a long “to do list”, but was determined to check everything off before that afternoon when I would be going to the airport to pick up my husband who was coming home from a business trip. That was going to be the best part of my day because it meant a cherished “date night” with him. Back to my “to do” list. Number three: go to grocery to pick up four items. I ran into the grocery got my four items, checked my watch and congratulated myself for staying on schedule. Then it happened, today was the day I was going to be stopped in my tracks and learn a very valuable lesson about myself.
I have to preface this by saying I love helping people. It comes easy for me. Having said that I arrive at my car and a lady is standing right in front of me. I notice that she is very clean, neatly dressed with well put fresh makeup on her face, she speaks very properly and this is what she says to me… “Excuse me Ma'am but I have lost everything, I just went on disability and have not received a check yet. I live in temporary housing that I will not have past this week. I have no money. I have not eaten since yesterday is there any way you can give me some cash to go in and buy some food?” I honestly had no cash in my wallet in that I had used my debit card in the store. I am ashamed to admit that I judged her by the way she looked, she did not “look” like someone in need and immediately assessed that she was a con artist. I looked at her kindly and said, “I am sorry but I have no cash in my wallet (this was not a lie just an excuse) so I am not able to help you today”. She said, “That is ok, God bless you anyway”. I got in my car and before the store was even out of my sight I looked in the rear view mirror of my car and was ashamed. God in his loving gentle way reminded me of all the blessings I have in my life. I was on my way to having a wonderful date night with the man I love. What did her Friday look like? What if everything she said was true? If it was not, what tragic things have happened in her life that caused her to resort to this? If she had been standing there fitting my definition of someone in need, would I have responded differently? I asked God for forgiveness which I immediately felt him give to me. I then prayed that something good would come to her. Then I remembered something that my husband (who is the most generous man I know) quotes frequently from Proverbs 3:27-28 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow when you now have it with you. I realized at that moment what really mattered…that along with that prayer I needed to act. I detoured to the ATM, got cash, drove back to the store parking lot praying that if this was all truly from God that she would still be there. She was. I gave. She cried. I cried. I drove away and did not look back to see if she went in the store or not, it was not my place to do that. I looked long and hard in the mirror at myself. Has my giving in the past been determined by my own definition of who needed it? I have learned it is not my place to determine who “deserves” just my place to be obedient and give from the resources I have been blessed with whether it be financial, physical or emotional. God will take care of the rest. Every once in a while her face still comes to my mind and I say a prayer that “good” will come to her in every way. On gray days I realize I have nothing to complain about.
When Donna and I met trying to figure out what to write about this week, she shared this story with me. I was touched by the way that the Holy Spirit prompted her to go back to the woman and not doubt her motives. This was only 4 days ago.
So, please don’t judge me when I share with you that just today, as I was walking through an outside mall near my house, that a young man made eye contact with me. He started be complimenting my children, and then went on to tell me part of his story, only to interrupt it by assuring me that this was not a con. He gave me is name and promised me that he had a job. He then went on to tell me that it was his sister’s 16th birthday today, and that she wasn’t very good driving a stick shift car, and was stuck in a rather shady part of town. All he had was his girlfriend’s car and it was out of gas. Did I have any cash to that I could give him so that he could go get his sister. I hate to admit it, but I didn’t believe his story at all, and I told him I was sorry but I couldn’t help. There was a cop very close to us who was watching the whole thing, and although I didn’t see him until I was walking away, I was relieved. He asked me what the young man wanted, and all I said was “money”. He immediately got on his walkie-talkie, and that’s where the story ends.
Or does it? As I walked off I was reminded of Donna’s story. What makes these two stories different? Really nothing. I didn’t feel the tug that I needed to go back and give him any money, but I did wonder if I should have given him the benefit of the doubt.
What’s done is done now. I will never know what happened with him, but I may wonder about it from time to time. I know that we all need to be discerning and cautious. Maybe it would have been different if he had been a she. Maybe I would have dipped into the birthday money that I had in my wallet. But, I’ll never know.
I was reminded of the Brandon Heath song, “Give Me Your Eyes”. The song talks about how we don’t know what is going on in the hearts of those around us, but God does. The verse that stuck out to me says:
I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way you’ve seen the people all along
The chorus then says:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
How different would our response to others be if we had His eyes. Perhaps I would have responded in a way that would have conveyed a deep love for people, instead of second guessing and judging them.
