Let your “yes be yes” and your “no be no”. Sounds so simple does it not? I firmly believe in and for the most part practice this character issue on a daily basis, however I must admit that there are times that I have failed before even realizing it. I find myself saying yes but in my heart really meaning no or vice versa. I convince myself that this really is not that big of a deal because I don’t change my “yes and no” on things of moral and integrity issues, you know the “big” things in life. But what about those “every day little things” that come up every now and then? For example, saying “yes” to a project that my heart is not in, only to complain about it later. What about disciplining the children? I know that when they were younger there were those occasions that out of sheer exhaustion I changed my no to yes just to keep them quiet, knowing in my heart that for their own good I needed to stick to my word which in the long run would have been better for them. See the common denominator here? When I did not allow my yes to be yes and no to be no there was a consequence to follow that was not always positive. Can any of you relate? Your story might be different but it still comes down to the same principle of is our word really our word.
Do we really need to concern ourselves with doing a periodic self-examination on this particular part of our character? When I asked myself this question I went to the Bible which I believe to be truth in its entirety. Interestingly, I found through some quick research on the internet that the Bible addresses this particular subject 179 times. I would say that makes it pretty important! When we say yes or no it should be from our heart, no second guessing, no wavering, no worrying, no swearing on our head and most importantly there is no explanation needed. Yes is yes and no is no. When we practice this our word has value. We can be trusted. The sad part is that if we do the opposite of this we have lied to not only ourselves but to those around us which in the end communicates that our word has no value and we cannot be trusted. How sad. That is not who I want to be. It all comes down to a choice we make. I choose to with God’s help and gentle reminders to always let my yes be yes and my no be no. No wavering. It sure does make it easier to sleep at night! How about you?
“No.” It’s such a simple word. It’s short. I have absolutely no problems telling my children (and my husband) no. And yet, “no” is one of the hardest words for many women to say.
When I was still working as an elementary school teacher in a public school, my “yes” meant “okay, I will, if I have to, but I’m not happy about it” and my “no” was non-existent. I felt a huge amount of pressure to appear productive and irreplaceable. As a young teacher, you are not guaranteed a job until after you have taught for three years. Up until that point you are what is called “Probationary.” This means that you can be “non-renewed” for absolutely no reason. And what that means is that you no longer are an employee of the school district and are now unemployed. I was non-renewed after one year of teaching due to the school losing teacher slots for the next school year. I ended the year not knowing what I was going to do the next year, and needing a new car and rent money. When I finally got a job I was terrified of losing my position again and was determined to do whatever I could to keep my job.
This thought process began to consume me, and I joined lots of different committees right off the bat. I agreed to help pilot new curriculum. I taught before and after-school tutoring programs. I took class after class after class to improve my teaching style. I was a maniac! And I was exhausted.
I rarely had spare time. I was constantly at school. Even on the weekends. There was rarely a Saturday that I wasn’t in the classroom working on something. My family and friends began to wonder why I was neglecting them. And I was getting bitter.
This is one of the reasons why when my daughter was born that I no longer chose to teach. Even after I got married, I could not settle down. At that point I was no longer probationary, but I now had an image to keep up. I was a go-getter. If something needed to get done, my principal knew that I was reliable and that the job would get done. But I resented it, and was not kind in my heart.
I can’t say that quitting my teaching job has “fixed” or “cured” me from my need to appear like I’m some kind of irreplaceable person, but it does not affect me everyday. I’m now learning how to apply what I’ve recently realized in other areas of my life, be it church, friends, family, or something else. But, it’s so hard. I don’t want to let anyone down, and I still want to be something. I definitely don’t love this quality, but I also know that if I say “yes” I need to mean it, and commit to it, and do it with all my heart. And if I say “no”, then I need to mean it, and stick with it, and not feel guilty about your choice. Ladies, it’s absolutely okay to say no sometimes. (But don’t be an excuse maker…)
